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| credits: news.naij.com |
Swearing, cussing, insults and curses are common thing nowadays. I did that too, I often say 'shit' when I did something wrong. So what? Shit is shit, nothing's wrong with that. Everyone has their shit unless you don't have an asshole to spit your shit, right? For me, this kind of language is preferable for the same ages. I won't say it in front of the kids because they will learn that somehow, someday in the future. So I let the future do that, not me.
Watching clean movies or TV shows without curses or swearing is almost impossible right now. Even the slightest one, 'idiot' or 'stupid' will be heard although those words were not very illegitimate to be consider as a bad word. Well, stupid is an attitude actually whereas the Brits put that as an insult; eejit by the way. In different kind of region, a continent, swearing can be different according to its length, the word spell, the meanings or the familiarity. However, there are few simple words or short words can affect greatly into the world of profanity.
Yeah, vulgar speak is somehow legit under your conscious. Don't you think? How about we change it a bit...for several circumstances?
| "Gentleman is better than fuckers" credits: allkpop.com |
1. What a motherfucker!
This is the common word, especially Americans (no offense) but it wouldn't be appropriate to say it in front of the kids (as I say, I let the future do that-not me). There are so many words seems lovely with 'mother' so maybe you can sugarcoated the fucking thing into this:
What a mother father gentleman!
What a mother nature!
What a mother earth!
What a mother Theresa!
What a motherhood!
What a mother and son/daughter!
Actually there's a lot of things about mother you can relate to.
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| "I did this, in all sequels." credits: verasgifstorage.tumblr.com |
2. Bloody hell
This cussing word by the Brits is widely known in Harry Potter's film. My other babes loved this word so much, she thought that it sounds delicious. Think about delicious, how about we say?
Bloody beef
Bloody sausage
Bloody steak
Bloody chicken grill
Bloody mutton
Oh, I can list out the whole bloody meat and meat part as much as I want because it sounds tantalising than hell!
3. Son of a bitch
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| Who says that beach is for bitches? credits: stereogum.com |
I heard this bitchy cusses a lot in all kinds of movies and shows. It seems impossible for me to list out the prima facie but one thing I always understand, this insult is good to ditch the bitch, ain't it true? What if I change the word according to its rhyme?
Son of a witch
Son of a beach...Boy (?)
Son of a pitch
Son of a stitch
Son of a bleach
Son of a rich
Son of a teach..er (?)
Now, it sounds like a poem.
4. You bastard!
This one is the simplest one to cover if you suddenly inside a circle that won't allowed you to say this. Just remember the word that close to 'bastard' such as:
You mustard!
You custard!
You best aid!
You best art!
You best add!
You best at! (?)
Nice words sometimes work perfectly like cusses, if you say it right.
5. Holy shit!
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| Holy Grail: "Hey, you forgot to mention my name!" Credits: indianajones.com |
Shit becomes holy when it turns into vulgarities and the easiest word to insult. But still, shit is shit. It stinks, you can't even look at it and for some reason I tend to make it smells nicely with covers such as
Holy ship
Holy shield
Holy shift
Holy sheet!
Holy sheep!
Holy shrimp (scampi)!
Who says that shit can't look good?
6. Damn it!
Damn is a usual expression word to suppress frustration over something and people used it to emphasize the feeling. Like 'shit', damn is one of the easiest word to insult and it ain't stink like a shit. However, what would you do if you're angered about something but you can't say this word out loud because of a certain situation (e.g: funeral)? You choose one of this:
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| Dime it! I'm a coin! credits: en.wikipedia.org |
Dame it!
Dam it
Dime it!
Different word, but still, it sounds similar. At least, you still give a damn on it! So, carry on.
7. Such an asshole/arsehole!
This shit hole is somehow very famous to means that you're a jerk. No matter how we say 'ass' or 'arse', it still an anus or 'the upside down pleasure'. It's a bit difficult to cover this word because it's a total wreck of cussing so I just twist it into a proper word such as:
Such a defecation opening!
Such an uninviting place!
Such a hidden aperture!
Such a secret perforation!
Such a vulgar orifice!
Everyone can understand this, it's a direct translate.
8. Whore!
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| "Not that kind of court job, if you know what I mean" credits: 123rf.com |
Whore is what people know as courtesan, prostitute, cocotte or a hooker. Whore is a common word to insult but it doesn't tickles woman's heart so bad when they say it. But it hurts a lot when whore turns into a different word but with the same meaning. No matter what, it still a sexual act for money. To save a good morale in those word, just tell them
courtesan is a noble job at the court
prostitute is someone professional at the institute
cocotte is a French bread like baguette
hooker is a tool to catch fish
whore is a woman who lived at the shore.
Actually, it was my first thought when I heard about those word. My young brain helps me to sugarcoat the profanity.
[Lesson learn: No matter what, profanity is profanity. So, mind you language]
@themagi2013
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